puppetsonstrings | HOW'S MY DRIVING (Mandatory)

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HOW'S MY DRIVING (Mandatory)

? HOW'S MY DRIVING?

Rules

▶ Post your character's HMD in the appropriate section. If there is no fandom name, please create it. You can use the [stringblank] dreamwidth account to do this so if other characters in your fandom post, you won't get notifs (the password can be found on the member's only page)
▶ Title your post CHARACTER'S NAME. If you are linking to an outside HMD post, post your title as CHARACTER'S NAME | PRIVATE HMD
▶ Reply to other people's comments (anon or logged in) with constructive criticism.
▶ Learn from the suggestions and become a better roleplayer!

▶ If you feel a crit is getting too harsh or personal, contact the mods first and we'll handle it.
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You can find my HMD over here!

Right here!

Personal HMD here!

Edited 2012-11-20 07:42 (UTC)

Tadaaaa

M-M-M-Maybach music.

Edited 2012-11-21 06:58 (UTC)

I want to start out by saying that I mean no disrespect or offense, and please don't feel bad that I'm giving you concrit! I'm doing this because you're a nice person and I want to help you get better.
Your Shiki is very off from what I've seen of her in this game and otherwise around. In fact, I at first thought you had just apped her from the very beginning of week one where she was still putting on a show, and was shocked to find you actually had her canon point listed as post week 3. You've missed a very important element of her personality and play her, to be quite honest, more as Eri than she is Shiki. The Shiki we see early week one, in Another Day, and Kingdom Hearts 3D is her exaggerated attempt to act like Eri, by being bubbly, ditzy, and very much the stereotypical teenage girl. Her motto is essentially ‘what would Eri do’, and she responds to Neku and others around her with this mindset. By the middle of the week, this starts crashing down around her, as you recall. With Neku’s help, she realizes that she doesn't need to act like Eri to be the type of person she wants to be. She isn't the ditzy, spazzy, ‘like omigosh~' type of girl she was earlier in the week, because she had come to accept that she was alright with being herself and not Eri. She wants to feel accepted and needed, and not just a burden that relies on others for her self worth.
Looking at your app, you seem to realize this is the case, because you brought it up in your personality section. The issue is that you’re not actually putting it into play when you’re roleplaying her. She is not an immense spaz like you play her, that was Eri. She wouldn’t squeal at someone going ‘you’re sooooo cute!’, that was Eri. Paying attention to the type of person she showed herself to be between her fake moments and the things she told Neku about herself, she is a much quieter, subdued person compared to Eri. She doesn’t have as many friends, doesn’t have the boys, or the good grades—she has a lot of self-image issues, as you know. Eri was literally the sun she revolved around while alive, to the point that she was completely destroyed when she thought Eri had dismissed her! This is a very unhealthy attitude to feel towards someone, and I think Shiki had begun to realize this, especially when she sees Eri and learns just how wrong she had been about what she meant. While she certainly has taken a great leap in bettering herself, and could certainly be played with a better sense of confidence now that she has friends like Neku who she knows likes her for her, these sorts of things don’t go away overnight. There will still be relapses of her negative attitude and feelings, especially while she’s still missing her entry fee. I don’t think you’ve even once addressed the pain Shiki feels being stuck in Eri’s body, and how much it would continue to affect her in this new world, without any real idea of when she’d ever be herself again. Playing Shiki in a new setting, especially while still stuck in Eri’s body, is a test of will for her. She has to live her life in Destiny Strings, until such a time she is canon updated, still stuck in her best friend’s appearance, who she would have no idea if she’d see again, and would be reminded of this every day seeing her face in the mirror. That's really hard for a girl with as many issues as she has! While this may be a little more of my own thinking rather than concrete canon, but it’s something worth considering when you play her, backed off of logic and canon implications.
I suppose as a tl;dr, you’re playing Eri more than you’re playing Shiki. I would highly suggest you play over week one and week three day 7 to remind yourself that Shiki isn’t a ditzy teen like you’re playing her. She’s a whole lot more than that and you’d be doing her a lot much justice if you took this into consideration for the future. I’m always very reluctant to give crit outside of anon (this is a journal I never plan to use, seeing the DS HMD doesnt allow anon for whatever reason) because of the hard feelings that inevitably grow between people because of it, but if you want to ask me more questions, I’d be happy to help! Just respond to this or send this account a message. I’m a very huge TWEWY fan and Shiki is my favorite character both TWEWY wise and in general—she’s someone I relate to immensely and as such I've spent a lot of time breaking down her personality and history. All I want is for you to get better, and I hope you take my suggestions to heart!